Black Dads Matter: Debunking the Absent Father Myth

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[00:00:26] Lisa: Welcome to episode three of the Blacktivities Podcast. I'm Mona Lisa here with Shannon the Great. Today we are talking about the man, the myth, the legend, the Black Father. But before we get on with the show, stop what you're doing right now and share this episode with your friends. Speaking of Black Fathers, let me put a [00:01:00] spotlight on the owner of TK Wings in Dalton, Georgia.

Let me tell you something. It all depends on how you like your wings, but baby, I like mine fried hard, and he has so many different flavors that you can choose from. The owner name is Trey Washington. Okay. And he is amazing, an amazing black man, a great representation when it comes to. A black father that is showing something positive to his children.

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[00:01:57] Shannon: Get you

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[00:01:59] Shannon: some [00:02:00] Wangs.

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[00:02:09] Shannon: That's my two favorite flavors.

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[00:02:19] Shannon: But when I got it, baby, every time I go, I get like a mixture. sometimes I'll try the creamy, lemon pepper. But I have to say my favorite, my absolute favorite is the teriyaki lemon pepper. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm so damn greedy. But let we talk about black fathers, my bad. Well, we're talking about black dads today and black dads they get a bad rap. The most commonly used word that I would say I hear to describe Black fathers is absent.

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[00:02:52] Shannon: with that?

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[00:02:55] Shannon: But is that really true though, or is it just another stereotype?

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[00:03:02] Shannon: Okay.

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Okay, there was a portion of my life where my dad was not there. But I am happy to say that it, it was a short time. it had a lot to do with some of the decisions and choices that I was making. And also too, dads can be pretty stern. Like when they say something, they mean it, and then they back off it and that's it.

So, I have a very great relationship with my dad. and I'm, I, I have to say I'm, I'm very blessed as well. So how about we just dive a little bit deeper with the SAC's facts and then we'll see.what else we got going on with it.

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So what this tells me is more black fathers live with their kids than apart from them. Also, Hispanic fathers were less likely to eat meals with their children every day, and that was 64%. than white fathers, which is 74% or. 78% for black fathers. So basically that's saying black fathers are more likely to eat meals with the children they live with than white or Hispanic dads.

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[00:05:40] Shannon: Yep.

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[00:06:01] Shannon: they be working too and working outside the home.

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[00:06:06] Shannon: It's, it's the facts.

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Hispanic fathers, 58% aged 15 through 44 were significantly more likely to have not eaten a meal with their non co residential children compared with White fathers 35%, or black fathers 31%. So that's saying black fathers who co-parent and don't live with their kids are more likely to eat meals regularly with their kids than white or Hispanic fathers. And a higher percentage of Hispanic fathers aged 15 to 44, 52% had not played with their non co residential children in the last four weeks compared with. 30% of white fathers and 25% of black fathers. So there are more black fathers who co-parent that are playing with their kids, versus white or Hispanic fathers.

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At all in the last four weeks compared with Black fathers, which was at 56% and a larger percentage of black fathers, 41% had helped their co residential children with homework every day in the last four weeks compared with 29% Hispanic, 28% white fathers. So basically more black fathers are helping their co-parented and non co-parented kids with homework than white or Hispanic

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[00:08:03] Shannon: Among Hispanic fathers who did not live with their children, 63% did not talk with their children at all in the last four weeks about things that happened during the children's day compared to 29% of white fathers and 21% of black fathers. So that's saying more co-parenting. Black fathers talk with their children about things that happened during their day, than white or Hispanic fathers.

So what does all this data say to me? It says, y'all need to put some respect on these black fathers names. They doing homework. They talking to their kids. They're playing with them even if they're not living with their kids. Black fathers as a whole are not absent in their kids lives. Now, where did this stereotype come from that says Black fathers are absent?

rt in the US Census Bureau in: 2012

[00:09:20] Lisa: That number had risen from 1960 to 1990 with a big jump in 1980, but it started going down after that. So my thought was why, like what caused this rise? And then the jump, well over a 27 year period from 1974 to 2001. The number of black people incarcerated in a state or federal prison more than tripled. And just a side note, the number of whites more than doubled. And there are actually more white inmates than there are black, 57.4% versus [00:10:00] 38.5%. So don't let them tell you that black people are the problem cuz they're the criminals. Somebody actually said that to me. But it's when you factor in the population percentages that you find that the numbers are disproportionate when it comes to black people. There was also the War on drugs in 1971 where Richard Nixon declared drug abuse was public enemy number one. Hm,

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[00:10:45] Lisa: Jesus.

And

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[00:11:05] Lisa: Well, I was shocked to hear some of those stats. I like how you angled it to where, okay. Put some respect on the Black Father's name. it was, I, I mean, I, I guess when it comes to the whole Black Father thing, it's like people automatically think that, oh, they trying to hold a black man down. And that's where that black man, because of so many obstacles, he doesn't have the same opportunities.

And also when it comes to black men, they get stressed like everybody else, but they don't get counseling.

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[00:11:54] Lisa: kind of result in them, instead of being looking crazy in front of the [00:12:00] family, they kind of just kind of just fade to the black. You know what I mean? So, I, I mean, I can guess, I can respect that.

I can respect that.

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[00:12:17] Lisa: Again, where I came from, I'm gonna be honest with you, the majority of the people, it was very rare to see two parents in a home. Where I came from, majority of the people in my family it was very rare to see a mother and a father still married and. Taking care of their children. Very rare.

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[00:12:46] Lisa: again, I can only and speak for what I know. some of them were absent and then there were some that popped up on special occasions. And then too, I'm gonna go ahead. I'm gonna be honest there. There were some [00:13:00] women that do play the part on how they conducted their lives, which kind of made it confusing for that black man to be there as well.

So we gotta be real. When it comes to Black Fathers, we wanna make sure that we're putting it all out there, okay? But in my family, it was very rare. All I saw growing up was majority strong black women making it happen no matter what. so again, I don't wanna say absent. It was just that, just due to the circumstances, they wasn't in that home helping with homework or calling them every day to see what their day was like.

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[00:13:46] Lisa: It's hard now because and I'm not saying it's just black fathers, but you gotta think they having babies everywhere. Like the trend is having multiple baby mamas, it's very rare that you [00:14:00] meet, a guy that only has children or a child with only one woman. So again, I wanna be fair,

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I'm

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[00:14:13] Shannon: Is he considered an absent father?

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But at a certain point, like. How about you as a woman, Shannon, knowing that this man have children and he's still messing with these same women, unprotected sex? Would you be okay with being in that circle,

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[00:14:50] Lisa: girl? Bye! Girl, he got stacks!

I missed my turn, sir?

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[00:14:59] Lisa: [00:15:00] Nope. He, he, his first baby mama is Mariah Carey. Ain't that money ain't going nowhere with my turn. You coming over here this week or next week?

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[00:15:12] Lisa: No, I'm good. I got two in college. I'm good. So it's, it is just, I, I don't know. It, it's, it is tough. I, and again, it's, it is because, I have seen, the other side of the fence. I've seen it. And again, I don't want to bad mouthblack fathers because again, I have some great fathers in my family, that even though it didn't work out, they was still there.

So, it is, it is hard for me to say, but I'm gonna be good. That's my story. I'm sticking to it. Let's move on. So, when it comes to Black fathers, why do you think they deserve to be celebrated?

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[00:16:02] Lisa: Mm-hmm.

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So that's why I think black fathers should be celebrated.

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But my thing is though, you gotta be doing something to get that support. Just cause you, you were, you somebody baby daddy and you black that we, that don't mean we talking to you. You gotta be about your business. I gotta make, make sure we say that

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[00:17:02] Lisa: right? Right.

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[00:17:09] Lisa: I love the fact that my dad's getting to the point where he is talking about retirement. I love the fact that. Even though I was able to acknowledge, the growth in him, because everybody goes through growth. I love that he is there a phone call away. I love that I am able to call and talk to him even if I don't need anything, you know?

my children, and that's what [: 00:18:00

that, again, not everybody got it together, but still provide stability and know. When it comes time for them to pick, you know that man, that they want to be a part of their life, what's normal instead of toxic. Because unfortunately, a lot of people that grow up and they don't have that, they don't know.

They don't know what you deserve. So they accept anything and it comes with a whole heap, a lot of issues.

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[00:18:38] Lisa: Right.

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[00:18:45] Lisa: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah,

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[00:19:02] Lisa: Mm-hmm. And again, let's, let's applaud Mr. Starling. Go ahead now. But I mean, for us, as you know, young ladies, we, we see that, and of course we gotta point out that there are some young ladies or women that don't, that didn't get that. You know, and that Black Fathers plays a major part, just not on, how about this?

All dads, we just wanna make sure all dads do play a major part. that's why I cringe whenever I hear women, give themselves a shout out on Father's Day. And again, it, it's the situation because maybe that father is absent, but still acknowledge that. There is some space, there's some type of teaching that only a man, and this is my opinion, that only a man can provide to that child, rather male or female.

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[00:20:13] Shannon: And that's another thing that I like about my dad, cuz I feel like he's been a father to so many other people as well. in the community, people that played. Basketball for him,

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Mm-hmm.

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[00:20:37] Lisa: Okay. I, I also wanna say this too. when it come to my dad, I ain't even gonna lie, I do get some of my toxic from him after, after my divorce. I, I don't know, just the way I conducted myself, I'm gonna be honest like this, talking to my dad on a regular basis, and he had [00:21:00] me on this think, like a man type thing. And the way that. I don't know. I conducted myself, baby. The way my credit was was, you know, and, and I had lost weight.

And my dad was like, baby, no, you embrace this. This is your time to do you be you. And a dude came to me. I look at him and it just like, I wasn't intentionally talking to him crazy, but I was coming off as. That maybe they took it as if like I was being an itch or I was being stuck up. But more or less it was my dad in my head letting me know my worth and letting me know this is what confidence is.

n of this is what my dad has [: 00:22:00

It did come off as pretty bad. You know what I'm saying to guys? Whereas I'm sitting here going back to my dad, like dad, like I'm trying to date, but I had a dude tell me that I was intimidating. He was like, he wasn't on your level, he just wasn't on your level.

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[00:22:21] Lisa: I continued on. And that's one thing to have your dad trying to guide you when you're dating.

Oh my God. That is a different world.

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[00:22:34] Lisa: yeah. Yeah. So if a dude trying something, I'm like, mm-hmm. Like, that ain't gonna work with me. You got, you have to come, come better than that boo boo. But, I have to say again, it's just a blessing. Just a blessing to have a dad, you know, that that is there and that my girls can call and just, you know, chop it up with old pop.

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[00:23:13] Guest 1: we are here with, if you wanna say your name. Cedric. Cedric. Cedric it's very nice to meet you. My name is Lisa here. We have Shannon here with Blacktivities podcast. Okay. So are you a father? Yes. How many children? Two. Two? Okay. How old are they? 30 and 27. You wanna give 'em a little shout out right quick?

Uh, shout out to Addison and Abrielle. All right. All right. So what is your favorite memory of being a father? Oh, the birth. Watching my kids being birthed. Okay. I bet, yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's a soft moment right there. Yeah. Okay. And then if you don't mind sharing with us, why do you feel black fathers should be celebrated?

k together, take care of our [: 00:24:00

[00:24:12] Guest 2: All right. So if you could, sir, if you could just go ahead and introduce yourself. Okay. My name is Freddy Moore. This is my wife Mary. Okay. Mary. Mary Liz. Okay. what is your favorite memory of your father? Well, He was a truck driver. Okay. And, um, at that time he was, when I was a kid growing up all my life, all, all my young life anyway.

And I wound up being a truck driver, but my daddy was, he was a good daddy. He liked to hunt, he liked to do everything. He always took care of us. You know, he was the head of the house and he was just always there for us. You know, it's something about having that figure there, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. He was a, he was the structure in the family know.

feel black fathers should be [: 00:25:00

Exactly. And they don't have no structure, no way to live, no knowing how to live. Right. A woman wasn't made to raise, raise children by herself. Right. And the man wasn't either, you know, that's the way God planned it. That was his plan. And without a father to be that strong, that strong person, you know, in his life, you know, he depends on his mama for it.

You know, now they'll, go somewhere else and learn. Learn things he shouldn't learn, you know? Right. But with a father, he can, you know, kind of direct him in where to go, you know, keep him in line, you know? Right, right, right. But yeah. Yeah. Thank you very much. You're quite welcome.

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[00:26:09] Guest 3: Are you a good driver? I'm an excellent driver. It's normally that one that says they're an excellent driver, sketchy all. Yeah. Why do you feel black fathers should be celebrated? Because they work hard and they're not appreciated where they work and in society, and so I feel like when they are at home or around people that are.

Also black, that they should celebrate 'em and make them feel like they're actually achieving something and doing something awesome. Right. Thank you. Welcome. I appreciate it.

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[00:27:02] Lisa: Obviously what we gonna do, first things first, rest in peace. Uncle Phil, we gonna say that. I did read something where it showed that of the black TV dads, he was ranked number one.

So I'm gonna throw some, dad names, the actual character, and ideally if you can tell me the actor that played them in the show, or I'll take either one, whichever one comes to mind first. We'll go from there. Okay. All right. All right, you ready? We're gonna start off simple. The first one. Oscar proud.

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And

who played, was it Tommy Davison that played him.

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Come on.

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[00:27:57] Lisa: on. Mm-hmm. [00:28:00] You can do it. So,

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[00:28:05] Lisa: That's the Carmichael Show. And that was David Allen Greer?

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[00:28:10] Lisa: Mm-hmm. Yes. All right. Now next we have Michael Kyle.

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[00:28:24] Lisa: Yes. Yes. So that was,my wife and kids

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[00:28:30] Lisa: Now this is my favorite, and I'm gonna tell you, my kids, they still watch this even though they've seen every episode. They love it. Okay. They said, I act like the mama, but it's neither here or there. I don't know. All right. Julius Rock?

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[00:28:47] Lisa: Mm-hmm.

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[00:28:50] Lisa: Okay, so everybody hates Chris,

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watched a few episodes

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[00:29:12] Shannon: Julius.

Okay.

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Colonel Bradford Taylor.

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[00:29:23] Lisa: No. Okay, so a different, remember a different world.

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[00:29:29] Lisa: Yes.

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[00:29:31] Lisa: I know, my parents

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[00:29:33] Lisa: my, parents love me. All right.

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[00:29:37] Lisa: What's her name? The real chocolate one?

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I don't remember

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[00:29:53] Shannon: Okay.

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[00:29:57] Shannon: Sanford and Son.

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[00:30:06] Shannon: Pops, was that the Wayans Show

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[00:30:11] Shannon: and I forgot his name.

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Bang, bang,

bang. You gotta coordinate. Coordinate,

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[00:30:23] Lisa: Yes. Okay. Andre Johnson?

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[00:30:34] Lisa: Mm-hmm

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[00:30:37] Lisa: Okay, now the last one. You ready? This one hard. Calvin Butler.

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[00:30:54] Lisa: Give up.

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[00:30:56] Lisa: All right. So Calvin Butler was, the show [00:31:00] was called The Neighborhood, and it was Cedric the Entertainer. It came out in 2018.

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[00:31:08] Lisa: Okay. Who was your favorite TV dad? Cuz I feel like, I feel like if I would've threw Carl Winslow and all that, that's too easy.

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[00:31:30] Lisa: It's hard. Heathcliff, but when you, that's another thing, the signs, like he was a gynecologist girl.

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[00:31:42] Lisa: Yes. Yes, definitely. Yes. Okay.

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When Daddy shielded the sun from my face, and Mama showing me the way to season the skillet. Personal experiences that brought illicit intuition, eyes closed, and small prayers through any struggle. I remember a hand on my shoulder, a whisper my ear. The easy voice so soothing reminded me of my personal worth, the worth, greater than the doubt the world puts on my black.

nce, nothing would have been [: 00:33:00

May peace be with you at peace because love is learned at its own pace, and being a parent is far from overrated. Look at it. Each look into their eyes. See, deep down, look deeper in those deep brown eyes We call pupils made up of daddy's ambition and mama's confidence in God's grace.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord. Amen. No man can disrupt your union when you have the recipe for the perfect foundation. Daddy and Mama?

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[00:33:46] Lisa: All right, so you are a father. Remember your presence makes a difference and your voice holds weight. Remember that You have to walk out that door and walk [00:34:00] right back in every word, selfie trip to the movies, playing catch, or even letting baby girl practice that lace front on your scalp. It means a lot.

It all matters. You are needed. Even if she say you aren't. Black Fathers matter. So how are you daddying today?

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We say bless their hearts. So that's what we're talking about. Next episode. If you haven't already, [00:35:00] follow us on IG @Blacktivitiespod. We love to hear from you, dm us, comment on our post. Whatever you wanna do, as long as you're respectful. Until next week,

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[00:35:19] Shannon: peace.